forty fourteen

Here we are, a new year has arrived. Much like any other year. Filled with much promise. Potential. Resolutions. Hopes. Surprises.

But this year, 2014 also brings something more. I'm turning forty this year. Yes, that's right. The big 4-0. I'm not sure I'm quite ready for it.

My whole life I've always wanted to be older. I'm not joking. When I was little & my parents had friends over, I always wanted to sit at the table listening to them talk rather than be downstairs playing. When I was entering high school, I couldn't wait to be a senior to sit at the back of the bus (never mind the fact that no senior actually wants to be still riding a bus at that point). When I was in college, I couldn't wait to get out and have a real job & work hard & be so successful (ha).

For the longest time, I thought turning 28 would be the greatest thing ever and that I would feel so grown up and that life would really truly begin then. I don't know why 28 was the magical number. And really, I can't remember much of anything that happened when I was 28 that is noteworthy...not until the very, very end, when I was just about to turn 29 and started hanging out with the man who would become my husband. That feels like so long ago now, and yet, I still don't really feel all grown up.

So, as you can see, I've never minded getting older & age has never been a big deal - at least not in a negative way. So maybe that's why the fact that I'm getting anxious about turning 40 surprises me. Maybe it's because I still don't feel like how I thought I'd feel when I was supposedly a grown up. Maybe it's because life doesn't look like what I thought it would look like. (I mean, when do I turn into Martha Stewart and enjoy cooking & cleaning??) Maybe it's because I've got two kids & there's so many life lessons I want to pass on to them, but I have no idea where to even begin.

Well, it's time to start thinking about living life in the here & now. To stop waiting for someday.

2014 may not be the year that makes me feel like I thought I'd feel when I was a kid.
But 2014 will be the year I embrace life and live it to the fullest.