forty fourteen

Here we are, a new year has arrived. Much like any other year. Filled with much promise. Potential. Resolutions. Hopes. Surprises.

But this year, 2014 also brings something more. I'm turning forty this year. Yes, that's right. The big 4-0. I'm not sure I'm quite ready for it.

My whole life I've always wanted to be older. I'm not joking. When I was little & my parents had friends over, I always wanted to sit at the table listening to them talk rather than be downstairs playing. When I was entering high school, I couldn't wait to be a senior to sit at the back of the bus (never mind the fact that no senior actually wants to be still riding a bus at that point). When I was in college, I couldn't wait to get out and have a real job & work hard & be so successful (ha).

For the longest time, I thought turning 28 would be the greatest thing ever and that I would feel so grown up and that life would really truly begin then. I don't know why 28 was the magical number. And really, I can't remember much of anything that happened when I was 28 that is noteworthy...not until the very, very end, when I was just about to turn 29 and started hanging out with the man who would become my husband. That feels like so long ago now, and yet, I still don't really feel all grown up.

So, as you can see, I've never minded getting older & age has never been a big deal - at least not in a negative way. So maybe that's why the fact that I'm getting anxious about turning 40 surprises me. Maybe it's because I still don't feel like how I thought I'd feel when I was supposedly a grown up. Maybe it's because life doesn't look like what I thought it would look like. (I mean, when do I turn into Martha Stewart and enjoy cooking & cleaning??) Maybe it's because I've got two kids & there's so many life lessons I want to pass on to them, but I have no idea where to even begin.

Well, it's time to start thinking about living life in the here & now. To stop waiting for someday.

2014 may not be the year that makes me feel like I thought I'd feel when I was a kid.
But 2014 will be the year I embrace life and live it to the fullest.

merry christmas 2012

front

back

not that it's any of your business

Yes, I know it's been six years *gasp* since I was last pregnant. (Or so you think.)

Yes, I know that is a long time.

Yes, I know that it might be a little insane. But it might not.

No, we didn't use any infertility drugs.

Yes, we were happy with just one child.

No, this wasn't an accident.

Yes, I do think Sam will be a great helper.

But, no, I'm not naive enough to believe there also won't be adjustment issues.

Yes, I'm excited I'm having a girl. No, I don't think that makes my family perfect. I would have been excited to be having another boy too.

Yes, I really am x months pregnant. Yes, I'm well aware you and everyone else don't think I look that pregnant. Yes, I'm sure there really is a baby in there, and believe it or not, she's measuring right where she should be. I'm not sure what else you want me to say about that.

No, I'm not quite "ready". I will never be 100% ready.

No, I'm not anxious for this to all be over. No, I'm not currently planning to request an induction. I'm quite happy waiting until things happen on their own. The whole thing has gone by way too quickly for my liking.

Yes, I plan on getting an epidural. No, I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

Yes, I do know what my plans are for feeding my infant, but I'm not sure why it's any of your business.

And no, I won't feel guilty if things don't work out quite how I hope.

Yes, we have a name picked out. And I'll probably even tell you what it is if you ask nicely. But my husband most likely won't. And we could still change our minds.

And yes, you'll definitely be the first person I call when I go into labor. (This one might be a lie. But I promise the others aren't)

blue lipstick and television

My Mom

By Sam

My mom's name is Chris. She is 38 years old. My mom's job is to go to work. My mom is happy when she gets flowers. My mom is sad when I don't listen to her. My mom always says "turn off the tv." My mom likes to watch lots of stuff on television. After I go to bed, my mom watches tv. My mom is really good at playing the Wii. My mom makes me laugh when she does silly faces. I make mom laugh when I tell her funny jokes. Mom and I like to play games together. I love my mom because my mom loves me. I know my mom loves me because she plays with me. My mom and I both have brown eyes.

Hope everyone had a Happy Mother's Day!

arriving september 2012

Ready or not, life is about to change drastically...